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A smile crossed my face as I thought about Jenny, the last of those partners, and then disappeared as I pondered the situation in which I found myself. I’d bewitched Jenny — binding her affections to me with a bit of magic I’d learned from my girlfriend, Stacey. Objectively, it was wrong to have done it, but I hadn’t precisely intended her to be a sexual partner when I’d started. Having seen, up close, how much Jenny enjoyed being with me, I couldn’t regret it, but the thought that she’d lost her job because of me burned in my stomach — and it wasn’t the good kind of burn we’d shared that morning. It had only been a waitressing job, but she’d depended on it and now it was gone because of something I’d done. I felt really bad about it. I felt even worse about cheating on Stacey. She was my first lesbian experience, my dearest love, and I was sleeping around on her before we’d even known each other a month. It wasn’t just the physical sex — we’d never said we were exclusive, and she. ”“I don’t know why it’s so hard for me, Jake. When someone tries to get me to do something, I feel this big pressure on me. I don’t feel like I can say no. I’ve always been this way.”“Let me show you this memory I saw in your mind. Jan, I’d like you to see this too.”Jake replayed his memory of his grandfather demanding the young Ellen obey him.“Mom, you recalled that memory on Wednesday night. That’s why I began crying.”“I don’t remember my dad ever saying that to me.”“I’m not sure why. The memory was definitely in your consciousness or I wouldn’t have been able to read it. What do you think, Jan?”“What you saw may have been affecting Ellen but hadn’t arisen high enough in consciousness for her to be aware of it. Consciousness and the unconscious are complicated phenomena that nobody really understands. Jake, no researcher has the tools to study it that you do. You may have seen a repressed memory in action.”“So I can access a person’s consciousness plus that part of the unconscious.
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